Can you remember the beginning of your relationship? Do you recall the butterflies? Do you remember sitting by the window waiting for him/her to arrive – or driving to pick your partner up at his/her house? Do you remember the nervousness, the excitement, the endorphin rush you felt – the physiological sensations of attraction that contributed to the initial attachment phase?
Maybe you’ve forgotten how all of those things feel. Maybe it’s all you can do to get dinner on the table; pay the bills; make sure the kids, pets, or household chores are taken care of; and/or shower for the day. Could it be that the lack of spark is due to laziness?
I’m here to tell you that if you and your partner want to put your relationship first, you can. You both have the ability to prioritize your lives to include you and your partner first, and stress can come second.
If you don’t think you can, you may want to ask yourself: Is Laziness Ruining Your Relationship?
And let me ask you this: When is the last time you and your partner went on a date?
I’m not talking about a date to the grocery store (believe me some of my clients have mentioned this), or taking a yoga class together or walking the dogs – I’m not even talking about cooking dinner for one another (unless it’s specified that it is a date and is intentional). You see, all of those activities are great, but as long as they fall under the category of “baseline things that must happen to maintain health and homeostasis,” they aren’t very creative, and they can be interpreted as “the same old routine activities.”
What about something exciting, something new, something creative? If you’re having a hard time coming up with an idea, let me stress this point: It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it.
A poorly executed date that has been communicated as intentional is much better than a flawless date with no meaning behind it.
You see, it’s so easy to get caught up in the everyday behaviors of life that we often forget to stop, create space, and set intentions to connect.
Anthony Robbins has a great quote about this:
Of course the quote is simple, but I think he makes a great point. I think you should do what you did in the beginning and keep adding new things.
When you met your partner, there was something that attracted you to him/her. Whether it was the focused attention, the intentional time together, the dates, the conversations, the gifts – it can be any of these things or something you remember that is specific to your relationship – THAT is what you fell in love with. Yes, it is true that after time we are given the opportunity to show up and support our partners in different ways – witnessing our partner grieve, experience joy, etc… however, those things will come. Life always comes.
Now I want to ask you: What are YOU going to make happen?
So what exactly does that mean? To me, it means that you have to be an active participant in your relationship. When you hear people say, “relationships take work,” it’s true. Deep relationships are not for the lazy. They require new experiences, different ways for you to get to know your partner, attention, action, and creativity.
Implementing new things can be difficult if there is an imbalance of power in the relationship.
Are you always taking control and making fun things (or just things) happen? Do you wish your partner would think of something for you both to do on his/her own for once? If you’re always the one who makes things happen, you could grow resentful.
Or perhaps you’re the partner who rarely makes plans and is “easy-going,” or “along for the ride.” Maybe this blog comes as a surprise to you because you don’t ever HAVE to think of anything new to do because your partner always does it. Unless your partner wants to be in control 24/7, I’m sure he/she would be relieved if you came up with something intentional for you both to do.
Think about it:
Is laziness ruining your relationship?
Love is not a spectators sport! What can you do to take action?
Contact Nicole, your intimacy coach if you need help re-igniting that spark in your relationship!