My motivation to write an article on the dichotomous relationship between love and pain lies heavily on the most common complaint I hear from people I work with. The most common complaint I hear is that most of my clients experience an inability to connect with friends, family, or lovers – sometimes even pets. It presents as an inability to connect, to be vulnerable, and to experience empathy. I’m not talking about superficial connection that revolves around pleasantries, and I’m not talking about not being able to do activities with others. What I’m talking about is the connection that is often called “intimacy,” the connection that makes us feel safe, can make us feel comfortable sharing our bodies with others, and the connection that is a result of feeling seen, heard, and respected in our experiences. Continue reading
Can you remember the beginning of your relationship? Do you recall the butterflies? Do you remember sitting by the window waiting for him/her to arrive – or driving to pick your partner up at his/her house? Do you remember the nervousness, the excitement, the endorphin rush you felt – the physiological sensations of attraction that contributed to the initial attachment phase?
Maybe you’ve forgotten how all of those things feel. Continue reading
When I first head of the shooting at PULSE – a gay nightclub in Orlando, FL – where 49 people were killed dancing in the safety of their community, I felt nothing. Continue reading
Have you ever had a one-sided conversation with someone that seemed more like you were witnessing a monologue than engaging in a dialogue? Continue reading
A lot of the work I do with people is the deconstruction of and realization of our ego clinging and ego protection strategies. No, I’m not talking about the ego in regards to the western version of ego that involves superficial things like beauty and competitiveness (although that’s part of it). What I’m talking about is Continue reading
Today is the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers.
I’m sure when you hear this, images of sex workers being raped, accosted by police, and pushed around by pimps enter your mind. I would like to hope that this day represents solidarity for sex workers who have experienced all of the violent encounters mentioned above. Continue reading
The topic of female assertion has been coming up a lot as of late. It would be safe to assume that I do identify as a strong, assertive woman. To some, my dominance – which stereotypically is a masculine trait – is extremely threatening and has provoked the use of labels such as bitchy, scary, or mean. I understand that it may throw a lot of people off when they see such a (mostly) feminine looking woman exhibiting such confidence or assertion, but those people aren’t usually the ones with whom I choose to spend my valuable time.
Negotiation Before, During, and After BDSM